Gimme a break, Studies!

“OK, I’ve had enough of coaching and exams. Give me a break, would you?”

The irony of Fate is that things rarely ever turn out the way you expected. Take our pre-university-coaching-fever, for example – or in my case, prep for the SAT and college application. I’ve always thought that people become fiercely determined to study hard and give it their all when it comes to university entrance exams. That may be true for a select few people but apparently most people, like me, turn around 180 degrees and throw in the towel at this point.

Being Sloth and an ever-procrastinator, I still haven’t started my studies for the SAT – even though the subject tests are right around the corner. There, I confessed it.

Every other night, I go to bed thinking, “this is it, I’ll begin studying like a hopeless nerd from tomorrow onwards.” Ah, tomorrow… the day that never seems to arrive. I blame depression more than own self. I don’t see the point of studying any more although I know that I should. I am not a (plastic) pretty doll who can land a rich hubby and ensure myself an easy, convenient life. I’m not from a financially solvent family – I must become a self-made woman. I have no brother who can fend for my parents in their old age – it’s up to my sister and me to take care of them (in sha Allah).

Thankfully, I still have time to brush up on my SAT prep. I just hope, hope, hope that I will be undepressed enough to keep focused on my IOU and SAT studies, and leave the rest to Allah. Aja aja fighting!


Aigoo! I’m not so pitiful after all

My parents have been telling me off for being vain & haughty for some time now – ever since I quit the self-sacrificial act and transformed into a selfish, rebellious teen instead – five years to be exact. I’ve dismissed their scolding as nonsense every time, and instead became defensive & mellow, spiting them for failing to understand the pitiful me.

Today is one of those rare occasions when I realize that their claims are not totally unfounded. I’d like to label myself as a good Muslim – a humble one, at that. But truth be told, money can buy me happiness. At least, gadgets can. I was all high & mighty when I swore that I’d never accept a gift on credit. And that I despise Apple products to death. Turns out, I fell in love with “my” iPad mini 2 at first sight. And I’m someone who does not even believe in love at first sight.

I guess it’s about time that I accepted that I’m all too comfortable in being a brazen-faced free-loader. Nine years should have been long enough to teach me that fact. Or so I had hoped.

 Being the naive day-dreamer that I am, I have all sorts of fantasies about marriage. (I blame Disney & kdramas for spoiling me.) And in many ways, the hope that true love will grant me respite from this tiring life is what keeps me going. (Pardon the cheesiness.) Much to my dismay, however, marriage is nowhere as rosy as I like to imagine. To me, Mr & Mrs Paprisshi seems like the happiest couple in the world when they’re in high spirits but that same OTP had a huge fight today. The very thought breaks my heart, yet I must remember that there are two sides to every coin. And hellooo, marriages takes work. A whole lot.

Another day went by and I hardly studied for IOU or the SAT. Better take more advantage of my less-depressed days next time, in sha Allah!